


without you ~ it'll never be the same again (kagehina - haikyuu)

by Anonymous



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, KageHina Week 2020 (Haikyuu!!), Kageyama Tobio is Bad at Feelings, Love Confessions, M/M, Second Year Hinata Shouyou and Kageyama Tobio, Sorry Not Sorry, Their Love Is So
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:48:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27060721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: He wants to live with him forever, not for him.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou & Kageyama Tobio, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Kudos: 14
Collections: Haikyuu, Haikyuu!! Fics, Haikyuu!! Kagehina fanfic, Kagahina, Kagehina Fics





	without you ~ it'll never be the same again (kagehina - haikyuu)

**Author's Note:**

> > for understanding - this is the pov from Kageyama  
> > I hope this is enjoyable - it did go through multiple rewrites and I never really had enough time to finish it, so I'm going to try and finish it over a period of time, preferably before 2020 ends. <3
> 
> note: the timings and days of events that happen within this fanfic don't really match up with the anime and manga, so it kind of is a thing on its own - I thought I should just put this out there to avoid confusion, since I was also confusing myself while writing this.

* * *

I looked over at him while we both laid on the floor for the fourth time this week - the place we end up everyday at the end, a reminder that life keeps on passing quicker and quicker. He's so out of breath but full of enthusiasm, the thing I love about him the most - the one thing no-one can ever forget about him. He's smiling up at the ceiling and all I want to know is what he's thinking about,

I want to hear him go on about it for ages, the things that make him happy;

_I wonder if I'm a part of it, because he is definitely a part of mine._

I sit up quickly and shake my hair before he challenges me to the locker room but in a flash of a second he's gone. Aha, why does his speed always still take me aback, I mean it definitely scares off everyone who sees it for the first time but I should be used to it by now at least. Maybe because he's always getting better; he's always improving; always trying; always pushing himself more than anyone I've ever seen before.

I'm only capable of bringing out a fragment of his abilities, I hope he realises how special he is and I hope everyone whoever watches him play is able to see him the way I see him. 

'w-WAIT UP HINATA!' I yell out as I chase after him, but do I really mind chasing after him anymore?

I've had these strange feelings inside of me for the longest time, but I've started seeing Hinata as just more than my best-friend, more than just my wing-spiker, more than a partner I make an excellent duo with. I'm not sure when it all started, maybe from the very beginning it lingered and was something that grew?

This is the first time I ever felt like this, why did it have to be him?

I genuinely wanted to lift this heavy weight off my chest and tell Hinata how I really felt, but in reality I've never been the best with expressing myself - to everyone almost I appear as an emotionless genius setter, but I'm pretty sure that Hinata knows, 

_he knows that I struggle too._

By the time I reach the locker room, he's already started changing.

I see Hinata shirtless, with his back towards the door where I remain stood in silence, it wasn't a new sighting for me, this happened all the time yet I felt so flustered I thought I might just run away from here. 

His small fragile body, moving in the cold midst of the locker room - which had remained untouched for a couple hours.

In those few moments, all I wanted to do was feel his warmth, hold him on this cold November evening for long till I felt the warmth reach every corner of my soul, 

till I felt loved and wanted as more than just a setter.

''Kageyamaaa Kun~ you're a bit slower today than usual, aren't you?''

I am. I truly am, I just get so lost in Hinata, so much so that I don't want to look away, I don't even try to since I'd rather actually do this. 

''WAIT - D-DOES THIS MEAN I'M FASTER THAN YOU NOW?''

He let out with excitement I saw on his face that I didn't even see when we won our last practice match, if this is what it means to let him beat me, I'd let him beat me every single time just so that I could see those couple of seconds of happiness upon his face,

I'd make sure we won every single match;

I'd make sure I set to him the perfect set every single time;

I'd make sure he had someone he could rely on with ease. 

God, I loved him. 

I broke out into laughter and ruffled Hinata's orange hair. There was a look of caution on his face, as if he thought I'd may just slap him on his head but he didn't move away which made me comfortable running my hands through his hair. 

"You can only wish, I'll never let you beat me - today's just a one-off"

He almost made a face like he was about to scowl. I couldn't take it and let out another wave of laughter. 

''j-JUST YOU WATCH, THAT DAY WILL COME TOO'' 

I'm sure it will. I shake my head slowly with this face that makes it look like I'm not taking him seriously.

He hits me on my back and we take off to go buy meat buns.

It's funny that today I thought I was going to tell him how I felt on the way home but let's just put it off for another day. 

* * *

''Guys, once again please rest up on Sunday, so that we're ready for our practice match on Monday'' Ennoshita says calmly while we all know that he's panicking inside.

He always really does get frantic in private, Kinoshita told us this a while back so that we would be able to help him since the change for him becoming Captain was kind of challenging for him.

''OKAY!!'' We all shout back. 

''Soo, are the King and his Queen going to do their individual practices again today overtime.'' Tsukishima says with a smirk on his face.

Queen?

QUEEEN?

Did he just-, he did not just call Hinata my-

''TSUKISHIMA STOP BOTHERING KAGS AND HINATA'' Ennoshita yells out from a distance, making it evident he may or may not be about to murder someone right now. 

''Yeah, yeah I'll leave them to themselves'' Tsukishima continues with that smirk still remained on his face. 

Hinata laughs uncontrollably, "IMAGINE US AND TOGETHER?" 

I let out a smaller, nervous laugh - almost as if it was a way to cope. 

Is it really not possible, 

he doesn't see me - the way I see him. 

And at that point I felt my insides twist inside of me, there was no better way to describe this feeling, it was like a part of me was breaking off and there was nothing I could do in that very moment to reach out and save it. 

I rush towards to the bathroom with a disheartened look on my face, I feel his eyes pierced onto my back, a here another familiar voice ask where I'm going, but I have no will to turn around, no will to speak for any longer. 

I entered the bathroom almost broken-hearted, I way I had never entered before nor did I think I'd ever have to. Nothing major had yet even happened and yet still I was going absolutely insane - it physically felt like my heart wanted to beat right out of my chest.

I thrust my fist against the bathroom wall, trying to resist these feelings I had never experienced before, I just had to accept it. 

I had to stop lying to myself any longer.

I had to accept that he didn't like me back and never would.

I left the bathroom, after some time?

I lifted my head from the palms of my hands almost as if they were for comfort, oh what I would give for them to have been Hinata's. 

I opened my phone to see the time say 

**19.33**

and also saw a text from Hinata. 

**_Hinata: Hey Kageyama (19.14)_ **

**_Hinata: I'm sorry - I really didn't want to leave you but I had to take Natsu to the hospital since our mother wasn't available (19.14)_ **

**_Hinata: And Kageyama I'm not sure but I don't think you're doing well (19.15)_ **

My dull eyes looked up at the screen and responded

**_Kageyama: It's alright. Is Natsu okay? (19.34)_ **

I saw him typing back almost immediately making me think he had been waiting for me to reply - which almost in the slightest made me feel a bit better. 

**_Hinata: Hey Kags, yeah she's alright. Are you okay? (19.35)_ **

Is he asking me over text if I'm fine? Do I sound bad? No. I sound like normal, why is he checking on me like this?

_**Kageyama: Yeah, I'm alright, did something happen? (19.35)**_

_**Hinata: Well, after some time you never really came back to the gym so I went to check on you and you were asleep outside the bathroom, I was about to wake you up but it looked like.. (19.36)**_

I fell asleep? I don't remember waking up, maybe since I was in a position where I was holding my head, that would also explain how its currently 19.36 already. 

_**Hinata: ..uhm (19.36)**_

_**Kageyama: Looked like what? (19.37)**_

_**Hinata: As if you had been crying? (19.37)**_

Crying? I don't remember, did I have some sort of sad dream? I thought about this for really long and then I remembered;

the reason why I left the the gymnasium in the first place - that twisting feeling reappeared inside of me, I couldn't forget it - I wished I never remembered. 

_**Kageyama: Oh. I'm not sure, probably just a bad dream? (19.38)** _

_**Hinata: Oh alright (19.38)** _

As I decided to finally get up and go home, my phone vibrated again. 

Who could it have been, obviously not Hinata since I just finished a conversation with him, and I didn't really feel like talking to anyone else right now

I shut it off and grabbed my things, I just wanted to rush home to my bed

\- a comfort space since the gym didn't feel like one right now. 

* * *

It's currently 23.10.

Why do I feel so fucking drained, I've done less today than I usually ever do. 

I sigh and drop down onto my mattress and stare up at the ceiling - a new habit I've picked up on and can't get rid of. I pick up the volleyball on the side of my bed and slam it against the wall until I feel at least a faint change in my emotions. 

Nothing changes, I'm still here struggling to take my mind off Hinata's reaction. 

I didn't now one small thing could be capable of changing someone's entire world.

I open my phone and see a text and then immediately remember this was from when I was leaving. 

It's from, Hinata?

HINATA?

I immediately lit up and jumped up and down on my bed, _how_ , how was this one person able to change my entire frame of mind. 

**_Hinata: Also Kags, do you wanna do some extra practice before the match at my house (19.39)_ **

**_Hinata: On Sunday, if you're free?? (19.39)_ **

I? At his house? My nerves started to squelch my insides once again. 

Why was I even worried, I'm pretty sure nothing could go wrong. I started to text back:

_**Kageyama: Sure, just make sure En doesn't here about it (22.14**_ _**)** _

_**Kageyama: you know what he'll be like (22.14)** _

_**Hinata: Oh don't worry,, I KNOW (19.40)** _

I throw my head back while I sat if in a way I was trying to mentally prepare myself for tomorrow, because that's when I decided;

_tomorrow I'll tell him how I feel._

I felt really drowsy when I woke up on Sunday even though I didn't fall asleep any earlier or later than usual.

I just decided to shrug it off since it was probably no big deal and continued with my basic ass morning routine, though I decided to skip breakfast because when I remembered I would be going to Hinata's home today, I felt sick, I think I'd prefer to rather not be sick at his home. 

''Kageyama you idiot I told you the toilet was on the right why were you still going to the left?''

Yep, this was not going good. I am distracted, absolutely distracted and its only a matter of time before he catches on. 

Shit. I run cold water over my face and then slap my cheeks. 

Stop this, you can do it. 

Who was I kidding, I might've actually started laughing out loud at myself. 

I leave after a few seconds to see Hinata waiting for me. 

''Say, Hinata why don't we take a break, it's also beeeeeen quite a bit of time since I was last here so let's just relax''

''Alright Kags''

Huh.

HUUUUUH?? 

I was actually getting ready for him to nag me in that very adorable way that he does but I guess not today. 

''Actually, I was going to say the same since I thought you might be hungry''

''o-ohkay dumbass lets go eat then'' I say as I roll my eyes and let a smile pass through as I approached him. 

_timeskip - 2 hours_

TO BE CONTINUED - most recent update (24/10/2020)

**Author's Note:**

> \+ also did you guys know that apparently if you combine their first names you get the word 'hishou' which means 'to fly'  
> \- This was extremely fun to right and I hope in the same way it was a pleasant read, the whole kagehina ship in general always makes me super happy which is a bit ironic since I'm writing a kind of sad fanfic.  
> \- I was inspired to write this by @_kuroos.girlfriend_ on tiktok


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